I see you. Keep g(r)o(w)ing.
Dear Good Ancestor,
This weekend I did something I haven’t done in more than a year.
I dropped my kids home from school, said goodbye to my husband, and checked myself into a local hotel for two nights.
Not for a holiday. Not even to write. But just to think. To think, and to listen, and to know.
This was a practice I started a few years ago.
It was something I realised I needed as a highly sensitive introvert who is also a mum, wife, writer, podcaster, speaker, and public figure. I needed to create a third space where I wasn’t any of those things. Where I was just me, Layla, for a few days. So I could hear what I, Layla, thought, wanted, and needed - outside of my roles, and outside of anyone else’s expectations.
It was something I did hesitantly at first.
I felt guilty taking time away from my family, spending money to stay somewhere not far from home, just so I could… think? But as the years have rolled by and I have become more clear about what I need to thrive, it’s become a nonnegotiable practice.
Except for the last fourteen months I haven’t done it. In fact I even forgot about it.
Fourteen months ago I was weeks away from going on my US book tour. I checked myself into a hotel to rest, set my intentions for the tour, thought about what I needed to thrive, and worked through some fears around growth and expansion. I also reflected on my journey, where I had been, and where I wanted to go next.
I returned from that weekend feeling rested, refreshed, and ready to travel the world.
And I did go on that tour. And after that on a UK tour. But within days of returning home after more than a month of traveling, the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a global pandemic, and we went straight into lockdown. And now, almost a year later, we are still very much in that pandemic. Millions have been infected, and sadly millions have died.
Our whole entire way of life has changed.
We wear masks now. We social distance. We quarantine, We work from home. We school from home. We don’t (can’t) go to many of the places we used to go to. We don’t (can’t) spend as much time in person with our friends and family.
We fear for our health and the health of our loved ones. We fear for our lives and the lives of our loved ones.
Everything has changed.
But in a strange way, it also feels like our lives have been put on pause. Like nothing is changing.
We no longer make big or long-term plans, because who knows what the state of the world will be like weeks from now, let alone months. Our routines have become predictable, sometimes to the point of boredom. We keep waiting for the ‘someday’ after corona to arrive, even while it’s becoming apparent that this is something we are going to have to adapt to and learn to live with (though what that means for our way of life is still unclear).
And honestly, we are just trying to keep it all together. Our sanity, our jobs, our role as parents to keep our kids safe. Our lives.
We have spent the last year literally in survival mode, waiting, waiting, waiting for it to be safe again to breathe that sigh of relief that feels so elusive. Meanwhile our lives are passing by. Time is rolling on. We may feel like we are on pause, but everyday we are changing.
And that’s what I realised this weekend.
As I journaled on all that has happened since the last time I was at that hotel fourteen months ago, I realised that not only has the world completely changed, but I have completely changed. I am a completely different person than I was fourteen months ago. In fact the me from fourteen months ago wouldn’t even recognise the me that is here today! Not only do I look and feel very physically different, but my emotional and mental states are entirely different. I have grown and changed. I am a living, breathing, expanding entity who is always growing and changing. Global pandemic or not.
And so are you.
Like me, for better or worse you have changed over the course of this past year. The you from a year ago probably wouldn’t recognise the you who is here right now either. You are a different person. This past year has made you different.
I want to invite you to take that in.
To reflect on that. To celebrate and/or mourn all that that means. To process and integrate it. To briefly come out of survival mode and take a bird’s eye view of your life.
Here are some reflective journaling prompts to help you:
Who am I today?
What have I lost?
What have I gained?
How have the events of this past year changed me?
What have been the subtle changes?
What have been the radical changes?
How have my priorities changed?
What am I proud of myself for?
What am I still working on?
What do I need that I have the power to give myself?
Who am I becoming?
It is true that the pandemic has impacted all areas of our lives.
However you are still a living, breathing, expanding entity. A good ancestor in the making. A person still traveling the journey of their life. A soul still experiencing the possibilities of its existence.
Though we may be in collective survival mode, it is good practice from time to time to intentionally disengage ourselves from the realities of the present and plug ourselves into the infiniteness of our divine being.
Not to escape the present moment, but to really see who we are in this present moment. Who we have been, and who we are becoming, and how we can use who we are to meet this present moment with grace, strength, wisdom and courage.
And the good news? You don’t have to check into a hotel to do this!
Where you do this doesn’t matter - in bed, during a bath, at your desk, at a coffee shop, in your parked car. What matters most is that you take a few moments to acknowledge that you’ve come a long, long way over this past year. That you have changed so much on a cellular level. And that you are still here, still on the journey of becoming a good ancestor.
I see you. Keep g(r)o(w)ing.